Monday, February 15, 2016

What To Do If You Have A Bigfoot Body


We found this guest post by Jeff Cox over on the bigfootresearchnews.com site, and thought our readers might find it interesting. Jeff discusses the steps he feels you should take in the odd occurrence that you find yourself in possession of a dead bigfoot body. According to Jeff, the last thing you want to do is call the authorities. We think Jeff might spend a lot of time peeking out his mini-blinds, but who knows?

To kill, or not to kill. Wow...what a debate. While some amongst us "believers" feel that we must have at least one sample body in order to officially get Bigfoot recognized as an honest to goodness actual animal on our planet, others feel that killing one on purpose for any reason would be the equivalent of murder. Many would even prefer to keep the question of its existence up in the air than have a dead body that would prove it once and for all. We will never know who is right or wrong on that subject, for on both sides there are, and would be, militant and very verbal protesters screaming that their way is the right way, even while standing over the body of a dead Squatch.

The following essay, if you want to call it that, is NOT about the purposeful killing of a Sasquatch. It's simply saying "what if " a person is attacked by a Bigfoot and is forced to defend themselves or their loved ones from certain injury or death.

The other day I was pondering something.... What would I do if a Squatch came at me and attacked me on my property and I was forced to make a kill with my .300 Blackout. Though killing one would not be my first choice, I may have no choice. So I made a list of things I'd do, and what I'd advise you to do if you find yourself in a similar situation.

1) DON'T CALL THE POLICE, or any public or governmental agency. That would be the quickest way to lose your prize. State, Fed, or military peeps would show up with machine guns and the party would be over. The body, and all your cameras and recording media would be confiscated and you will be threatened with death and disaster if you ever talk about the situation.

2) Secure the site. Get your kid, your wife, your neighbor, your brother...people with guns to the site asap. Restrict access to your property.

3) Properly take samples of skin, hair, blood, saliva, even scat and urine if you can. Freeze and hide these samples.

4) Get the body recorded...video and pix. Crystal clear well lit up close video and pix. Use up every video card you can...you'll never have too much video or photo evidence of a dead Bigfoot. Hide all video and photo evidence. Then call the local news stations, (Don't tell them why you are calling, just say you have a HUGE worldwide story they can be the first to document if they are so inclined) get them out there to capture professional video evidence. Call every news station. Block your property entrance with vehicles and armed men and ONLY let the news people in.

5) Get a veterinarian to your property asap to examine the body and take more samples. Don't tell him the truth when you call. Tell him you have 3 horses all dying and it's an emergency. Get him on camera saying that this is indeed a real creature, an undocumented species of bipedal hominid.

6) Start emailing Animal Planet and the Nat Geo folks.

7) Dig a 3 foot deep hole, wide enough and long enough for the body. Put the body in it and pack a layer of bags of ice all over it. Park a truck over the hole and wait for Animal Planet/Nat Geo folks, as well as those listed below, to arrive.

8) Contact these people. Let them know you have a body and that they are welcome to come examine it to their heart's content..... Dr Jeff Meldrum, Dr John Bindernagel, Dr.Todd Disotell, Jimmy Chilcutt, Cliff Barackman, Bobo Faye, Matt Moneymaker. Then contact as many Bigfoot researchers as possible and get them access to the body. Many of them have dedicated their life to researching Bigfoot. They deserve to finally have their day. You will be their hero.

Don't contact a university, most are at least partially funded by the government. However, I would gladly transport my Bigfoot body to a location where Dr Jeff Meldrum of Idaho State University could study it. I suspect that he would love to do a proper exam. Unless you have a well secured cold storage facility, you will eventually have to let someone take the body. But only allow a trusted private person/group to take it for REAL scientific analysis at a secret spot, and only after many many people have taken evidence samples and video and photos. If you do it just right, you can get people there and gone before the government shows up. Unless they have a warrant you can restrict anyone's access to your property. You may not get any sleep for a couple days, but it'll be worth it. You'll be famous.

You may ask...why would I have to go to all this trouble? Why can't I just call the police and let them handle it? Good question. The federal government, believe it or not, monitors all police dept communications. If a 911 caller says, hey, I killed a Bigfoot on my property (or a UFO crashed in my yard and little grey men are spread out on my lawn), within moments a federal government rep will contact that police dept and order them to NOT investigate the call, and to delete any reference to that 911 call immediately. It's also believed that either men in black or military peeps will show up and take over the site, confiscating everything, and threatening to ruin your world if you tell anyone else. There is a guy in Texas who is a Bigfoot researcher. He didn't kiss the ass of some of these men in black, and well, they pretty much shut down his life. Shut off his Facebook, shut off his YouTube channel, closed his email accounts, shut off his internet service, banned him from blogs that were either his or ones he was a member of, and daily harass him and his wife any time they drive out of their driveway....essentially made him cease to exist outside of his home. The government has the ability to go into any website and simply...delete you. Scary eh? The dept of the interior is a deep and creepy entity.

To read the rest of Jeff's thoughts on the subject, click here. 

25 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. ^ Hi Jizzy, still not tired of trying to be me ? You complete Pillock !
      When is your lobotomy taking place mate ?

      Joe

      Delete
    2. The same time you lose your virginity mate, never.

      Delete
    3. ^ shouldn't you be playing your xbox right about now instead of on mommy's laptop ?

      Joe

      Delete
    4. ^ you're probably the tosser who wrote the original @2:02. Shame on you mate

      Joe

      Delete
    5. If drinking hot salty piss is wrong, I don't want to be right!

      Joe

      Delete
    6. ^ see what I mean. I try to protect the integrity of this site from pillocks like 5:56

      Joe

      Delete
    7. How can somebody protect the Intergity of this site by drinking. Piss ??
      What a dipshit!
      :-)

      Delete
    8. ^ you are such an adorable troll, you remind me of a girl named Sally
      Sally was a salty one who no man wanted to date . Now begone trollish imp

      Joe

      Delete
    9. Lol. Fake Joe F !!

      Tosser!

      Delete
  2. good question. I'd be wary of other bigfoots around as they usually are not alone and that may get sticky . Do take some samples at least if possible and get a hold of Dr Meldrum. I dunno about moneymaker though, his name says it all. also take lots of photos and video - don't be a tosser about things like Smejda and go away without any evidence even though his story is complete bollocks


    Joe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bigfoot is complete bollocks

      Delete
    2. Smejda's one certainly was and your is too but the real bigfoot is a living creature. Sorry to burst your bubble smarty pants

      Joe

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    3. Immediately call the MIB.

      Delete
    4. Unless Ro Sahebi is lying to me, Smeja absolutely killed that sucker with a 25.06.

      Delete
    5. Well sorry but Ro shabby probably pulled one over on you

      Joe

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    6. Zero proof the word of a poacher and a click for cash huckster mean nothing

      MMG

      Delete
  3. If you find a Sasquatch body, call Rick Dyer for advice. Then, whatever he says, do the opposite.

    ReplyDelete
  4. First, if you are a Bigfoot researcher, then your mobile phone is monitored 24/7. If you say "found a dead Bigfoot" into the phone, the feds will pinpoint your location using the phones gps technology and be on scene within the hour. So have fun saying "found a dead Bigfoot", into your mobile phone and see who shows up.

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  5. I would make sweet love to it!

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  6. If all this paranoia is true, then why do we have that bigfoot 911 audio all over youtube? Shouldn't the men in black have erased that too?

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  7. What happens to Moneymaker's business model if someone ever manages to actually find a bigfoot? I mean for real.

    Right now he's making some decent cash selling package "expedition" deals where nobody ever even sees the animals in question, which is a pretty good racket. I mean imagine trying to sell African safari tickets to people who know they're not going to see any lions or zebras or anything. You'd go bankrupt, but since it's bigfoot he's selling, it works for him.

    But if bigfoot is ever proven to exist, people are going to start expecting to see one for their money.

    ReplyDelete