BigfootWeekend September Expedition

Monday, February 4, 2013

A Warning To All Bigfoot Researchers


Shawn Parker shared this shocking PSA warning on Facebook regarding Bigfoot researchers who may be in serious health trouble. If you know anyone showing symptoms of this horrible illness known as "Bigfoot Conatactee", Parker recommends that you stage an intervention and get involved.

WARNING TO ALL BIGFOOT RESEARCHERS!!!! I think we may all need to learn to be more sympathetic to the world's latest sickness. Some call it delusional, some call it a lack of hobbies and Loren Coleman calls it "Bigfoot Contactee" .

There are a small handful of "researchers" that are NOT hoaxers that feel that every time they are out in the woods, they are in direct contact with a Sasquatch or several Sasquatch, nearly every time. They are the world’s only researchers that have luck EVERY time they go into the wilderness. The need to see a Sasquatch is so bad for some people that almost everything they see or hear is proof of their existence. More and more of these people are devoting their time outdoors with camera and video recorder and zip-lock bag full dental stone powder so they can collect evidence to share with the world.

Evidence produced by people who have contracted this sickness usually chose to work alone and do not like to provide details of location. Most of the evidence that hold the pieces of their story together can not be shared with the public because of various reasons. Certain questions can be answered, but are usually answered with a pause before explaining.

With the power of social media we are all exposed to people that have this sickness or that are developing this sickness. If you or a family member are experiencing signs of this sickness it is important to put a stop to it immediately before things get worst.

There are signs to watch for....

* If you or a family member, is in the habit of posting pictures on facebook that require an additional red circle or arrows or body outlines, this is a sign you may be in jeopardy of contracting this sickness.

* If you find yourself posted youtube videos that require several, slower speed re-plays in order to make out what we are looking at, this may also be a sign.

* If you have ever posted audio recordings of sounds that require an additional explanation of what we are listening to, you could also be potentially at risk.

* If you are noticing that you are having frequent encounters from creatures in the woods even though scientists and experienced researchers around the world are having far less luck than yourself, this could also be a sign.

* When a dark spot in a photo appears to be a female sasquatch holding her young, this could potentially lead to this type of illness.

* When broken sticks against a tree are obvious signs of a sasquatch nest, this is yet another sign.

* If you have your own personal casting of a foot print that is shaped like a banana, this may not be a juvenile sasquatch. This may be a sign.

* If your wife can not even be polite enough anymore to pretend to be fascinated with your stories of Sasquatch encounters, this is another good indication that you may have contracted the sickness.

This is a sickness that can break up a family, or cause reduction in friends and may contribute to the bulk of online ridicule. Save yourself or a loved one today! Stop “Bigfoot Contactee” now!

74 comments:

  1. You'll get nothing and like it.

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    Replies
    1. lol great comment, so true. even enjoyed this parody.

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  2. Yep, that pretty much sums it all up.

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  3. A SKEPTARD'S LAMENT (revised)

    "I was sure there was no apeman
    As I opened up the fridge,
    'Till the voice of Dr. Meldrum
    Pointed out the dermal ridge.

    I on raging rampage went,
    I called the PGF a hoax,
    'Till the massive muscle movement
    Told there are such great big folks!

    Still I try, believing only
    In those bikes invisible,
    About all else I cry 'That's hoaxy!'--
    There's Mel's dirigible!

    Pranksters yes I'm truly certain
    They do dermal ridges carve,
    And plant those footprints! Yes it's curtains--
    Believers, they will starve!

    About that pesky PGF:
    A suit and that's a fact,
    Worn by Bob Hilarious
    Who bought it off the rack.

    I refuse to watch it stabilized,
    I turn the other way,
    I claim that all is fable-ized
    In my irritating bray.

    But haunted have my dreams become
    By Patty's moving muscle,
    And dermal ridge, like on my thumb,
    Show apemen really hustle!

    I cling to Bob Hilarious,
    His suit, his hoaxing clan,
    And pray the clues won't bury us
    And prove the big apeman."

    Skeptard lonely, sips a beer
    'Mid shadowed living room,
    Sasquatch silhouette so queer
    At window, spells his doom.

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    Replies
    1. Man seriously how much time did it take you to come up with that crap, it's not even funny

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    2. wow you have the sickness

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    3. I love it when believers say that skeptics refuse to acknowledge the PGF film, when we have over an over and found it to be a suit over and over. Also, that poem is loaded with errors.

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    4. NO ONE has ever, EVER proven that Patty is a suit!

      The claim that it is is so overtly absurd, it is not even in the realm of possibility!

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    5. My rebuttal to zippy the skepttrad's rhyme:

      Mulder Mulder on the wall,
      fuck your lies, fuck them all
      I don't believe a words you say
      You suck squatch cock, that's pretty gay

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    6. Mulder is kicking all of your asses. He's taking over. None of you can compete with his intelligence.


      Mulder fan

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    7. Plug in the computer
      Listen to the hammering keyboard
      Moderaters under tension
      Beggin you to bleeve some more

      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
      RIDE INTO THE MULDER ZONE

      Headin into twilight
      Screaming out some howls tonight
      'Foots got you jumpin' off the track
      That uneasy feeling just aint right

      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
      ILL TAKE YOU
      RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE

      Youll never say thats not the truth
      And it doesnt matter if you have absolutely zero proof
      Youll never know what you can do
      Until infrasound runs straight through youuuuuuu

      *solo*

      Chillin in the ketchum thread
      Always where I wanna be
      Shutting down those scofftics
      Loving the intensity

      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
      GONNA TAKE YOU
      RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE

      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE

      RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE

      GONNA TAKE YOU
      RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE

      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
      RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE

      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
      GONNA TAKE YOU
      RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE


      HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
      RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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    8. Higway to the Mulder Zone is closed for construction.

      That squatch in the woods that day, who made Mulder feel uneasy, did some serious structural damage to Mulder's rectum.

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    9. ^^^ Rectum? Damn near killed him.

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    10. Mulder is kicking some skeptard ass.

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    11. Mulder the skeptic community would like to know 1 thing:

      Got Monkey?

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    12. Mulder is the jar in which poop is kept

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  4. Any true bigfoot/ alien contactee would be sporting a size 9 poop chute because of the probing.

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  5. Well he has a point every show on Bigfoot they feel they are around them and the "Place feels Sasquatchie"
    It's kinda like the ghost hunter shows right? And like the weirdo's who post first on this page.

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  6. The people that were on bf tonight blogtalk radio last night are all infected no doubt

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    Replies
    1. Bigfoots are descended from niffleheimers.

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  7. Are we talking about Dr. Matthew Johnson perhaps? The guy who has a habitation group on facebook?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, and custom made gifting baskets for sell.

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    2. The guy that cries on cue.

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  8. Daisy is in the Box. We are currently teaching her how to play Basketball. At 8'7" we are going to be rich once she is drafted.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe she can teach dwight Howard how to play ball....cuz he sucks.

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    2. Thank You for agreeing with me!

      -A pissed off Laker fan

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    3. Theres no money in the wnba

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    4. yeah well there will be with Daisy playing.

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    5. Money in the wnba,bigfoot will change history after all,or we can put Shaq in drag

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  9. Hello All:

    Just got off the phone with Jack Bindernagel and he is worried he has contracted this disease. He said his wife has not spoken to him in months- which he first thought was a good thing. Then he said the four inch, Bigfoot, or North American Sasquatch, as it is called, looks alot the the foot print of a Golden Retriever.

    He then said that he looked at some recent photos he took of Asasquatch and they look alot like his neighbor Merle in this black hat he likes to wear.

    I told him he needs to get checked out.

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    Replies
    1. This sounds serious, hope he's ok.

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    2. Its John Bindernagel dumbass no nothing troll

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    3. ^^New rider on the Bigfoot short bus^^

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  10. Carefully thought out reply to the esteemed Shawn Parker: Nuh uhhhh!

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  11. Sally here:

    While I find this article amusing it does undermine what we are trying to accomplish. Having seen Fox with my own eyes, I can tell you Bigfoot exists.

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  12. The OP just described about half of the BFF posters...

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    Replies
    1. Half?
      They're all a bunch of delusional freaks except for a few.

      Delete
  13. Omg!, I think M.K.Davis has contracted this disease, so are we allowed to take him out back and put him out of his misery yet?

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  14. That is indeed a bad disease to contract.

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  15. Replies
    1. Well, you can disengage yourself, but not control what they do. Ignoring them won't make them go away but they may or may not stop running across your roof or doing whatever annoyances they inflict on you.

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    2. Pepper their asses with buckshot,they'll get the message quick

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  16. Just an observation regarding gifting. In my experience, they sometimes take the container regardless of contents, but most of the time they tear it open and remove the contents. Almost every time I've left blueberries as part of the items gifted, they take the entire container. Has anyone else experienced this with blueberries?

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    Replies
    1. This gifting news is exciting. To be continued, indeedy.

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    2. They have been stealing my containers as well. And that Pyrex is fuckin expensive. So it's either Bigfoot or my broke ass neighbor Jerry stealing my Sasquatch gift baskets. Jerry if I find out it's you I'm beating your ass with a pillowcase with 3 apples in it.

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    3. If he's stealing Bigfoot's gifts, Bigfoot will take care of him.

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    4. We are having issues with Bigfoot stealing old diapers out of the yard... They shred them up all over the place, not to mention slinging them up on the side of my trailer.

      We thought we had on of those researcher type guys coming out to the trailer last week but he never showed up. I don't know how much more of this we can handle. The place is really starting to smell bad and and the kids can't seem to keep up with how many diapers these shit eaters want.

      Need someone to let us know how to get rid of these fuckn things....

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    5. First try not killing the researchers you lure to your house under the guise of helping you and maybe they'll figure it out for you

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    6. Bigfoots like computer potn,same as everyone else,but how to gift it?Make your house a wi fi hotspot.

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  17. Sasquatch Contactee...It's the diseased gift that keeps on giving all year long, Clarke. That it is, Edward. That it is.

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    Replies
    1. Can I put it in my Bigfoot gifting basket?

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    2. No, but you can put some nice nectarines and pears in there, they love those and will give you gifts in return, like a rock or a squirrel's tail.

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    3. hmm..that's hardly a fair trade

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  18. Kind of like a douch from Ancient Aliens sees everything in the world being linked to aliens. The pot calling the kettle black for sure.

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  19. And do something with that fucked up Einstein hair please.

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  20. I don't understand how so many footers will rag on the whole Ancient Alien Theory but will cling tight to claims of the Hairy Bastard's existence.

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  21. I just watched some of Scott Carpenter's videos yesterday and was about to send a whole squatch load of ridicule his way. Thanks to this post I now know he has a disease and feel bad for him. :(
    Any illness that makes you think a green leaf is a bigfoot face needs to have its own ribbon to spread awareness.

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  22. A big hairy ribbon to spread awareness...I like it.

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  23. Henry May has been trying to figure out a way to mount this here fella for some time now!

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    Replies
    1. Dude are you nuts? Henry mounted this guy years ago! Why do you think his hair is all fucked up?

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  24. Gee, is that why SnowWalerPrime is bald? I heard from a few that Henry ripped out all his hair after Henry mounted him and rode him for a few hours! Is that true?

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  25. I'm not sure if it is true, I hear that Walker shaves his head in fearr of Henry trying to mount him! I guess he figures Henry would have less to grave onto!

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  26. Just another cheap hair brained sceam of Micheal Merchant to yet further wedge his way into the Bigfoot community! He shaves his head thinking that he his scared of Henry mounting him so he can get Henry's attention and possibly have Henry make an attempt to mount him...but we know that the odds of Henry mounting Walker are close to zero, Henry only mounts real Bigfoot researchers like MK Davis!

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  27. Really? I heard Snowblower lost his hair from getting kicked in the head by horses while he was trying to bang them.

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  28. Replies
    1. Kittens are not a point of contention.

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    2. Oh My GOD!!! I LOVED the kitten half time show on yesterdays Puppy Bowl! Can't wait till next year! I've got a cuteness hangover thats gonna last all week!

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  29. Why not no one believes us anyway......Walking with Sasquatch.

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