A Warning To All Bigfoot Researchers
Shawn Parker shared this shocking PSA warning on Facebook regarding Bigfoot researchers who may be in serious health trouble. If you know anyone showing symptoms of this horrible illness known as "Bigfoot Conatactee", Parker recommends that you stage an intervention and get involved.
WARNING TO ALL BIGFOOT RESEARCHERS!!!! I think we may all need to learn to be more sympathetic to the world's latest sickness. Some call it delusional, some call it a lack of hobbies and Loren Coleman calls it "Bigfoot Contactee" .
There are a small handful of "researchers" that are NOT hoaxers that feel that every time they are out in the woods, they are in direct contact with a Sasquatch or several Sasquatch, nearly every time. They are the world’s only researchers that have luck EVERY time they go into the wilderness. The need to see a Sasquatch is so bad for some people that almost everything they see or hear is proof of their existence. More and more of these people are devoting their time outdoors with camera and video recorder and zip-lock bag full dental stone powder so they can collect evidence to share with the world.
Evidence produced by people who have contracted this sickness usually chose to work alone and do not like to provide details of location. Most of the evidence that hold the pieces of their story together can not be shared with the public because of various reasons. Certain questions can be answered, but are usually answered with a pause before explaining.
With the power of social media we are all exposed to people that have this sickness or that are developing this sickness. If you or a family member are experiencing signs of this sickness it is important to put a stop to it immediately before things get worst.
There are signs to watch for....
* If you or a family member, is in the habit of posting pictures on facebook that require an additional red circle or arrows or body outlines, this is a sign you may be in jeopardy of contracting this sickness.
* If you find yourself posted youtube videos that require several, slower speed re-plays in order to make out what we are looking at, this may also be a sign.
* If you have ever posted audio recordings of sounds that require an additional explanation of what we are listening to, you could also be potentially at risk.
* If you are noticing that you are having frequent encounters from creatures in the woods even though scientists and experienced researchers around the world are having far less luck than yourself, this could also be a sign.
* When a dark spot in a photo appears to be a female sasquatch holding her young, this could potentially lead to this type of illness.
* When broken sticks against a tree are obvious signs of a sasquatch nest, this is yet another sign.
* If you have your own personal casting of a foot print that is shaped like a banana, this may not be a juvenile sasquatch. This may be a sign.
* If your wife can not even be polite enough anymore to pretend to be fascinated with your stories of Sasquatch encounters, this is another good indication that you may have contracted the sickness.
This is a sickness that can break up a family, or cause reduction in friends and may contribute to the bulk of online ridicule. Save yourself or a loved one today! Stop “Bigfoot Contactee” now!
You'll get nothing and like it.
ReplyDeletelol great comment, so true. even enjoyed this parody.
DeleteYep, that pretty much sums it all up.
ReplyDeleteA SKEPTARD'S LAMENT (revised)
ReplyDelete"I was sure there was no apeman
As I opened up the fridge,
'Till the voice of Dr. Meldrum
Pointed out the dermal ridge.
I on raging rampage went,
I called the PGF a hoax,
'Till the massive muscle movement
Told there are such great big folks!
Still I try, believing only
In those bikes invisible,
About all else I cry 'That's hoaxy!'--
There's Mel's dirigible!
Pranksters yes I'm truly certain
They do dermal ridges carve,
And plant those footprints! Yes it's curtains--
Believers, they will starve!
About that pesky PGF:
A suit and that's a fact,
Worn by Bob Hilarious
Who bought it off the rack.
I refuse to watch it stabilized,
I turn the other way,
I claim that all is fable-ized
In my irritating bray.
But haunted have my dreams become
By Patty's moving muscle,
And dermal ridge, like on my thumb,
Show apemen really hustle!
I cling to Bob Hilarious,
His suit, his hoaxing clan,
And pray the clues won't bury us
And prove the big apeman."
Skeptard lonely, sips a beer
'Mid shadowed living room,
Sasquatch silhouette so queer
At window, spells his doom.
Man seriously how much time did it take you to come up with that crap, it's not even funny
Deletewow you have the sickness
DeleteSkeptard^
DeleteI love it when believers say that skeptics refuse to acknowledge the PGF film, when we have over an over and found it to be a suit over and over. Also, that poem is loaded with errors.
DeleteNO ONE has ever, EVER proven that Patty is a suit!
DeleteThe claim that it is is so overtly absurd, it is not even in the realm of possibility!
My rebuttal to zippy the skepttrad's rhyme:
DeleteMulder Mulder on the wall,
fuck your lies, fuck them all
I don't believe a words you say
You suck squatch cock, that's pretty gay
I like your poem.
DeleteMulder is kicking all of your asses. He's taking over. None of you can compete with his intelligence.
DeleteMulder fan
Plug in the computer
DeleteListen to the hammering keyboard
Moderaters under tension
Beggin you to bleeve some more
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
RIDE INTO THE MULDER ZONE
Headin into twilight
Screaming out some howls tonight
'Foots got you jumpin' off the track
That uneasy feeling just aint right
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
ILL TAKE YOU
RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE
Youll never say thats not the truth
And it doesnt matter if you have absolutely zero proof
Youll never know what you can do
Until infrasound runs straight through youuuuuuu
*solo*
Chillin in the ketchum thread
Always where I wanna be
Shutting down those scofftics
Loving the intensity
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
GONNA TAKE YOU
RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
GONNA TAKE YOU
RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
GONNA TAKE YOU
RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONE
HIGHWAY TO THE MULDER ZONE
RIGHT INTO THE MULDER ZONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Higway to the Mulder Zone is closed for construction.
DeleteThat squatch in the woods that day, who made Mulder feel uneasy, did some serious structural damage to Mulder's rectum.
^^^ Rectum? Damn near killed him.
DeleteMulder is kicking some skeptard ass.
DeleteMulder the skeptic community would like to know 1 thing:
DeleteGot Monkey?
Mulder is the jar in which poop is kept
DeleteMeldrum being the poop
DeleteAny true bigfoot/ alien contactee would be sporting a size 9 poop chute because of the probing.
ReplyDeleteWell he has a point every show on Bigfoot they feel they are around them and the "Place feels Sasquatchie"
ReplyDeleteIt's kinda like the ghost hunter shows right? And like the weirdo's who post first on this page.
Never been first^
DeleteGeorgio is the Man!
ReplyDeleteAgreed!
DeleteThe people that were on bf tonight blogtalk radio last night are all infected no doubt
ReplyDeleteBigfoots are descended from niffleheimers.
DeleteAre we talking about Dr. Matthew Johnson perhaps? The guy who has a habitation group on facebook?
ReplyDeleteYes, and custom made gifting baskets for sell.
DeleteThe guy that cries on cue.
DeleteDaisy is in the Box. We are currently teaching her how to play Basketball. At 8'7" we are going to be rich once she is drafted.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she can teach dwight Howard how to play ball....cuz he sucks.
DeleteThank You for agreeing with me!
Delete-A pissed off Laker fan
Theres no money in the wnba
Deleteyeah well there will be with Daisy playing.
DeleteMoney in the wnba,bigfoot will change history after all,or we can put Shaq in drag
DeleteHello All:
ReplyDeleteJust got off the phone with Jack Bindernagel and he is worried he has contracted this disease. He said his wife has not spoken to him in months- which he first thought was a good thing. Then he said the four inch, Bigfoot, or North American Sasquatch, as it is called, looks alot the the foot print of a Golden Retriever.
He then said that he looked at some recent photos he took of Asasquatch and they look alot like his neighbor Merle in this black hat he likes to wear.
I told him he needs to get checked out.
This sounds serious, hope he's ok.
DeleteIts John Bindernagel dumbass no nothing troll
Delete^^New rider on the Bigfoot short bus^^
DeleteCarefully thought out reply to the esteemed Shawn Parker: Nuh uhhhh!
ReplyDeleteSally here:
ReplyDeleteWhile I find this article amusing it does undermine what we are trying to accomplish. Having seen Fox with my own eyes, I can tell you Bigfoot exists.
The OP just described about half of the BFF posters...
ReplyDeleteHalf?
DeleteThey're all a bunch of delusional freaks except for a few.
Omg!, I think M.K.Davis has contracted this disease, so are we allowed to take him out back and put him out of his misery yet?
ReplyDeleteThat is indeed a bad disease to contract.
ReplyDeleteToo much reading
ReplyDeleteWell, you can disengage yourself, but not control what they do. Ignoring them won't make them go away but they may or may not stop running across your roof or doing whatever annoyances they inflict on you.
DeletePepper their asses with buckshot,they'll get the message quick
DeleteJust an observation regarding gifting. In my experience, they sometimes take the container regardless of contents, but most of the time they tear it open and remove the contents. Almost every time I've left blueberries as part of the items gifted, they take the entire container. Has anyone else experienced this with blueberries?
ReplyDeleteThis gifting news is exciting. To be continued, indeedy.
DeleteThey have been stealing my containers as well. And that Pyrex is fuckin expensive. So it's either Bigfoot or my broke ass neighbor Jerry stealing my Sasquatch gift baskets. Jerry if I find out it's you I'm beating your ass with a pillowcase with 3 apples in it.
DeleteIf he's stealing Bigfoot's gifts, Bigfoot will take care of him.
DeleteWe are having issues with Bigfoot stealing old diapers out of the yard... They shred them up all over the place, not to mention slinging them up on the side of my trailer.
DeleteWe thought we had on of those researcher type guys coming out to the trailer last week but he never showed up. I don't know how much more of this we can handle. The place is really starting to smell bad and and the kids can't seem to keep up with how many diapers these shit eaters want.
Need someone to let us know how to get rid of these fuckn things....
First try not killing the researchers you lure to your house under the guise of helping you and maybe they'll figure it out for you
DeleteBigfoots like computer potn,same as everyone else,but how to gift it?Make your house a wi fi hotspot.
DeleteSasquatch Contactee...It's the diseased gift that keeps on giving all year long, Clarke. That it is, Edward. That it is.
ReplyDeleteCan I put it in my Bigfoot gifting basket?
DeleteNo, but you can put some nice nectarines and pears in there, they love those and will give you gifts in return, like a rock or a squirrel's tail.
Deletehmm..that's hardly a fair trade
DeleteKind of like a douch from Ancient Aliens sees everything in the world being linked to aliens. The pot calling the kettle black for sure.
ReplyDeleteAnd do something with that fucked up Einstein hair please.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand how so many footers will rag on the whole Ancient Alien Theory but will cling tight to claims of the Hairy Bastard's existence.
ReplyDeleteI just watched some of Scott Carpenter's videos yesterday and was about to send a whole squatch load of ridicule his way. Thanks to this post I now know he has a disease and feel bad for him. :(
ReplyDeleteAny illness that makes you think a green leaf is a bigfoot face needs to have its own ribbon to spread awareness.
A big hairy ribbon to spread awareness...I like it.
ReplyDeleteHenry May has been trying to figure out a way to mount this here fella for some time now!
ReplyDeleteDude are you nuts? Henry mounted this guy years ago! Why do you think his hair is all fucked up?
DeleteGee, is that why SnowWalerPrime is bald? I heard from a few that Henry ripped out all his hair after Henry mounted him and rode him for a few hours! Is that true?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if it is true, I hear that Walker shaves his head in fearr of Henry trying to mount him! I guess he figures Henry would have less to grave onto!
ReplyDeleteJust another cheap hair brained sceam of Micheal Merchant to yet further wedge his way into the Bigfoot community! He shaves his head thinking that he his scared of Henry mounting him so he can get Henry's attention and possibly have Henry make an attempt to mount him...but we know that the odds of Henry mounting Walker are close to zero, Henry only mounts real Bigfoot researchers like MK Davis!
ReplyDeleteReally? I heard Snowblower lost his hair from getting kicked in the head by horses while he was trying to bang them.
ReplyDeleteI believe in kittens !
ReplyDeleteKittens are not a point of contention.
DeleteOh My GOD!!! I LOVED the kitten half time show on yesterdays Puppy Bowl! Can't wait till next year! I've got a cuteness hangover thats gonna last all week!
DeleteWhy not no one believes us anyway......Walking with Sasquatch.
ReplyDelete