Destination Bindernagel [Fiction]

This is a guest post by the same person who brought us "The Adventures of Jack Bindernagel" series.

The executives at the SCI FI Channel paced nervously around, each one afraid to say what they were thinking. Finally one spoke up and said “it has been four days, four days, since Josh Gates and Erin Ryder disappeared”.

A week earlier the team from Destination Truth had ventured into the wilds of British Columbia, searching for the elusive Sasquatch. On the third night their camp was attacked with the crew scattering and attempting to escape whatever the night hid from their eyes. By early morning all of the crew had been accounted for except for Josh Gates and Erin Ryder. This had been four days earlier and now the executives were becoming frantic. They would need to send out a search party capable of dealing with the harsh elements and also capable to standing toe to toe with the elusive and fearsome Sasquatch. Slowly each of the executives looked at each other and then almost on Q they all said “We need to call Captain Jack Bindernagel”.

Meanwhile in Idaho, Captain Jack Bindernagel stood at the podium at Idaho State University. Captain Jack a guest lecturer for Professor Jeff Meldrum’s class. He was concluding his lecture and in a loud voice he said “and that is how we found the smallest footprint on record, a four inch Sasquatch track”.

Soon all the students were standing and giving him a loud ovation, Professor Meldrum then addressed his class saying “ladies and gentlemen this is the one and only, Captain Jack Bindernagel”. Captain Jack took in the applause for a moment and then looked at Meldrum and said “its time for a bourbon”.

As they walked back to Jack’s office, Meldrum’s cell phone rang. Captain Jack then turned to him and said “you and your damn phone, your like an old woman always gossiping”.

Meldrum did not respond and then he uttered “Oh Dear, Oh Dear, yes, yes he is right here” his voice trembling and hands shaking as he handed Captain Jack the phone. Captain Jack took the phone and shaking his head he said “Bindernagel here, this had better be good”.

The executive from SCI FI was on the other end and said “Captain Jack, thank god we have gotten through to you”. Captain Jack, craving a bourbon, and in no mood for small talk then said “what do you want, I am in no mood for games”. Captain Jack then became quiet as he listened to the executive tell the story”. Finally Captain Jack said “no man alone in the woods with Erin Ryder wants to be rescued”. “Gates is probably in heaven, I am sure they will both turn up”.

The executive pleaded with Captain Jack to get involved. Finally, Captain Jack said “fine dammit stop your begging, I will lead a search team. I know the area and it is very rugged, I also know Josh and he is a physical specimen, few men are in better shape than him”. Captain Jack then went on to say “I will need to get a hold of James Fay, and I want you to send along the guy on Haunted Highway, not Ozzie Osbourne’s son, the other guy”.

Captain Jack handed the phone back to Meldrum and then looked him in the eye “your coming too, he said”. “You have been on Josh’s show many times and it is only right that you try and help, I still say no man alone with Erin Ryder needs to be rescued”.

“We need to get a hold of James Fay, I will handle this, you go get the usual supplies, I will need my side arm and rifle and get two cases of bourbon, we are going to get that little guy from Haunted Highway drunk for the first time on this trip”.

Meldrum looked at Captain Jack and finally Jack yelled “go, we don’t have all day, no matter how good of shape Josh is in, that is rough country and if he is in trouble, we don’t have much time”.

Captain Jack then walked back to Meldrum’s office, he picked up the phone and dialed Animal Planet, when the operator picked up he said “get me Fay, it’s the Captain”.

In under a minute James Fay was on the phone. “Captain, whats going on he said?” The Captain responded “James, Josh Gates and Erin Ryder have gone missing after searching for Bigfoot….or the North American Sasquatch, as it is called”. James Fay paused for a moment and then said “Come on, does any man alone with Erin Ryder need to be rescued, I mean have you seen her in a bikini, if I am Josh I am going to be pissed when we show up”. The Captain responded “I said the same thing but you know television executives, will it be a problem, you taking time off”. James Fay responded “No, we are on a two week break, Matt is speaking throughout the country with his best friend, Robert Lindsey”.

The Captain responded “Good man, good to hear, meet me at the air port… and bring some supplies in case Josh is in trouble. You know what I mean, potato chips, snickers bars, chili cheese fritos, that ice cream they feed to astronauts and a case of diet soda, it has to be diet, as you know what a health freak Josh is”.

James responded “I am on it Captain, just one question- are Erin and Josh dating, if not does she have a boyfriend, if not I want her number”. Jack yelled back “you fool, we have serious work to do and you know she would not give you the time of day”.

6 hours later and the team was assembled in British Columbia, ready to start their mission. Jack looked the little guy from Haunted Highway and Fact or Faked up and down, finally he said “you better be up for this, your not going to be able to cry and have Jael protect you if things get rough”. Before the little guy could respond Jack handed him a pistol and said “can you use one of these, if not you had better be a fast learner”. Before he could respond Jack said “Meldrum, give him the flask, this trip is going to make a man out of him”.

The four boarded the helicopter that was set to take them to the spot where Gates and Ryder had last been seen. The helicopter found a clearing and dropped off the group, soon it was just a small dot in the distance and the four men were alone in the wilds of British Columbia.

Captain Jack looked at his team, and gave the marching orders. “James you man the rifle, and of course will cook the bacon, the scent will likely bring out the Sasquatch or Josh for that matter, if he is close”. “Meldrum I better not see you looking for foot prints” he then turned to the small guy from Haunted Highway and said “you carry the gear and stay close, this is not a TV Show”. “I need to see if we can pick up the trail, the remains of the camp are 50 yards west, we will start there”.

Soon the four were at the camp. Meldrum said “my god look at these…” Jack then shot him an icy stare and he said “ummm look at the sky, we only have a few hours of daylight left”. James Fay then said “Captain we have seen this before” finally the little guy said “look at…” and Captain Jack shouted “who said you could talk”?

The little guy quickly shut his mouth. Captain Jack then said- “look there, it’s the base of a cliff, they did not go that way. “There were no signs of them the way we came in, the river would keep them from going east, so they had to have gone this way” Captain Jack took out his pistol and said “this way, men, this way”.

Soon the team was walking down hill, the Captain could tell someone, or something, had been through the area, the only question was how long ago it was. Soon they reached a clearing. Captain Jack said “we will make camp here, James start cooking the bacon, and nobody touch the fritos or diet soda, those are for when we find Josh”.

Meanwhile, Erin Ryder stood by the entrance of the cave where she and Josh had been hiding. “come out Josh” she said. “Josh, they are probably looking for us and you have to leave this cave”.

Josh sat huddled in the back “No” he said “No if we leave the cave its gonna get us, its gonna get us” and then he put his head down and hugged his knees.

Ryder responded “no Josh, its ok, its not going to get us, it has not been around for three days, it took our food and then left”.

“No, I am not moving” Josh replied, “I am not moving and you can’t make me”. Erin just walked away and said “I don’t know why I bother”.

Back at the camp the group had a fire going and Captain Jack was telling stories of his adventures. They all listened as they passed around the flask of bourbon. Soon Bobo had a skillet full of bacon cooking.

Meldrum then said “I hope Josh is ok”. The little guy from Haunted Highway said “he is better than ok if he is with Ryder”, all three men looked at him and Captain Jack said “your ok, Devon”. Devon beamed as it was the first time Captain Jack called him by name. James Fay then said “You are on Sci FY, what’s the deal with Josh and Ryder, are they dating”? Devon responded “I really don’t know, nobody really does, but they have a lot in common, they go to the same gym”.

Soon the smell of bacon was filling the night air and the Captain could sense movement in the tree line. “James, my rifle he said, it appears we have company”.

Captain Jack looked at Devon and said “draw the pistol I gave you, they come hard and they come fast, keep your guard up”. “Meldrum, take the other rifle”.

Soon they could hear the beasts getting closer, Captain Jack aimed the rifle at the tree line and let off a shot. “Keep them at bay” he shouted, “just keep them at bay, the shooting will cause them to scatter and eventually retreat”.

Soon the night was quiet with the beats retreating. Captain Jack said “I have faced these creatures more times than I can count, they smell fear…. Or bacon, either or brings them out. If they hear gun fire they will back off , that is unless they have the high ground”.

Soon the team heard other sounds, one of them being a man screaming. The male voice yelled “Ryder they are coming back, save me, save me”. They followed the screams and soon saw the soft glow of a fire near the mouth of a cave.

“Gates, is that you” Captain Jack yelled. Josh looked up and looked at Ryder “Captain Jack, Captain Jack, is that you” he yelled. “Yes, Josh, its me, its me, we are here to take you home…. Unless you want to be left alone with Ryder, we all understand if you do”.

Ryder appeared at the mouth of the cave and said “no that’s quite all right, I have had enough of this”.

Soon the group was standing at the mouth of the cave looking at Ryder. “Are you ok” asked the group. Ryder looked at them and then saw Devon she then said “Devon, they let you come out here with them, they let you come on a rescue mission”?

Before he could respond Josh came running from the cave and hugged Captain Jack. With tears in his eyes he said “Its you its really you, Captain Jack, and Professor Meldrum and Bobo and… Devon… Devon they let you come on a rescue mission”.

The group looked at both of them. Josh was dirty and disheveled while Ryder looked good with barely a hair out of place. The group did a double take and then Meldrum said “Ryder, how do you look that good, living in a cave for a week”

Ryder responded “I have not been living in a cave, there is a cabin 50 yards that way, I was staying there. Josh was afraid to leave the cave so I would come up to check on him, start a fire and then go back to the cabin when he fell asleep”.

The group looked at Josh and the Captain let out a sigh “you could have been in a cabin alone with Erin Ryder for a week, but you stayed in a cave because you were afraid of Sasquatch”.

The Captain looked at James Fay and said “and you thought we had reason for hating the Sasquatch”?