The Adventures of Jack Bindernagel [Humor]
In all the chaos within the comments section of this blog, there is one comment that always makes us chuckle and that is the "I just got off the phone with Jack Bindernagel..." comment. Whoever you are, please contact us because you sir have talent and we would like to speak with you.
How does one make up such fiction and still remain relevant at the same time? This person manages to mix in all the craziness of Bigfootery and somehow coherently combine them into one story.
Whoever you are, you are quite the treasure. We take our hats off to you for bringing such joy to our lives.
Here's the latest "Jack Bindernagel" story update from a previous post:
Hello all:
Just got off the phone with Jack Bindernagel who tells a similar story.
Back in his days as "Captain Jack Bindernagel" he and his man servant Gargamel went on a similar hunt. They brought with them another young man who agreed to stand guard at camp and prepare meals for the weary hunters. On the second day Jack caught sight of a Sasquatch and yelled "quickly man my rifle" his man servant quickly handed him his rifle and as Jack raised his gun the creature quickly ran off. Jack cursed his fate and took off after the beast. As Jack rounded a bend he just missed being hit by a large rock thrown by the creature. His manservant rounded the bend, pistol in hand and managed to get a shot off grazing the shoulder of the beast.
Jack and his man servant then sat down both taking a heart swig of the Kentucky bourbon they had brought along for just such an occasion. The two returned to their camp guns in hand, ready to fire at the beast they expected to jump out at them at any time.
When they arrived at camp a young James Fay, years before adopting the moniker, "BoBo", was cooking bacon for the two weary hunters. James said "what happened" and a shaken Bindernagel yelled "not now man, not now". Gargamel instructed him to grab one of the spare rifles so he could protect himself in case of an attack.
Finally Jack said "I had it in my sights man, in my sights but you were too slow in giving me my rifle". He then slapped Gargamel with the back of his hand cursing his fates. When Jack calmed down he apologized sating his nerves were frayed and hr fretted that would be their only chance at the creature. Jack then gave instructions on sleeping in shifts and guarding the camp. He vowed he would get the creature the next day and they would begin at first light. Fay was instructed to prepare a hearty breakfast of bacon and pancakes to provide the nourishment they would need.
At first light Jack and his man servant set off to find the creature that alluded them the night before. As they came to the same bend Jack decided they would ascend a small rock base to have the high ground on the creatures. As they reached their chosen location Jack took out his tobacco pouch and rolled a cigarett his nerves still frayed from the past nights events.
He offered a smoke to his trusted man servant who suggested it may be wise to attempt to see if there was a trail of blood as a result of the creature being grazed by his bullet the night before. Jack responded "Jolly damn good idea man, damned good idea".
The two set out and quickly picked up a trail. The two followed and lost track of time. Soon it began to get dark, and the two could not see but 2 to three feet in front of them. Jack said "Dammit man we are close I can feel it". His man servant said if it got any darker they would not be able to find the way back to camp and without food and blankets they could perish.
When the two returned to camp they found it in shambles. Jack called out "James, man James where are you". Soon Gargamel shouted "Captain over here". Huddled between a large rock and tree was a pale James Fay, pale as a ghost, ready to strike at anything that came near him with a frying pan. Jack yelled "James, what happened here man, who or what is responsible for this chaos, the likes which I have never seen before". All James could muster were the sounds "BoBo BoBo". Jack quickly took out his flask and forced James to take a long drink. The bourbon burned his throat going down but brought him back to his senses. He said "It was the Squatches Jack, they were all around me and they wanted the bacon I was cooking".
Captain Jack struggled to hold his composure and said "tell me you protected it, damn man tell me you saved our bacon". Young James looked down in shame and could only muster that "the bacon was gone".
Jack cursed the fates and looked up at the night's sky, he raised his fist and yelled "what the hell are we supposed to have for dinner".
It was then that Jack knew his hunger pains were a sign that he was not meant to slay the mighty Sasquatch.
Ha, had not seen this before. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteAwesome, bloody excellent I´ll say. I like these little stories very much.
ReplyDeleteJN
Sweden
Your mystery writer is Sally! And sometimes Melba and Arla ;o)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that this blog encourages this type of behavior. This person makes Bigfoot researchers look like complete fools and losers that don't have lives and appear to be playing fantasy monster games in the woods. Bigfoot is serious business and I take exception to anyone that makes fun of it.
ReplyDeleteWhen you take yourself this seriously, you are just playing fantasy monster games in the woods.
DeleteNow I'm hungry for bacon :-)
ReplyDeleteYou mean bo-bo. The Sas taught young James one word before they ran off with his breakfast XD
DeleteI love the smell of bobo in the morning.
DeleteI thought I was reading something from "The Wild Thornberry's" episodes....hahaa
ReplyDeleteUnless you make it very clear this is humor, which you do here but the commentator doesn't then I think the real John is probably furious and (if) rightly so pissed. It's gagaland here lately.
ReplyDeleteThere's almost always some outlandish tidbit that should tip off any thinking person, but yeah, many the commentor has fallen for the fake phone calls. Heh heh...
DeleteYup, like the fact that he says Jack Bindernagel and not John.
DeleteJack's the nickname for John, duh.
DeleteThank you for spotlighting this satire. It has kept me coming back, and created anticipation every time I've seen Bindernagle mentioned.
ReplyDeleteHello all:
ReplyDeleteJust got off the phone with Jack Bindernagle who was very excited about this story, he said "what a pleasure it was relive some of my early adventures, in the days when I was considered one of the best outdoorsmen ever to tame the Yukon Territory".
He also said "That aside I plan on kicking your ass if you were the one who gave Sally Forth my phone number". I replied "Jack I am just like everyone else and I sure as hell do not want to talk with Sally Forth, let alone give her your phone number". He replied "well I want to know who did, I am walking on a trail listening to Timber Giant Bigfoot babble on about seeing Sasquatch on trails 40 to 50 people walk down per day and my cell phone starts ringing. The number was blocked and I pick up and its this Sally, telling me to join the Melba Ketchum fan club. After some choice words, which TimberGiant Bigfoot thought were directed at him (when JIm gets going nothing stops him from talking not even a ringing phone) I say what the hell is there to be a fan of about Ketchum?".
This Sally shrieked and told me "I better watch my back". I told her to bring as Captain Jack does not back down from a fight".
I live to wallow in the shadow of these brushes with Dr Bindernagle's brilliance. Thank you, thank you for sharing. BTW, I wonder if Jack has visited tcsjrbigfoot yet on his grand tour of YouTube (therefore believable) Footery?
DeleteDr. Biggernavel is quite the adventurer.
DeleteOkay, you got me. I laughed at this one :)
DeleteA more beautifully told story, there never has been. The irony in it, of course, is that it is all true. Alas, while it has been like a lifetime has passed since that expedition, it still burns as a bright fire in my heart. That sighting, that opportunity lost, the look of sheer terror on little Jimmy's face as he huddled shaking in his hiding place, and well, the loss of the bacon while the heady aroma of it still filled the air; is what drives me on to this day.
ReplyDeleteI will find my lost sasquatch, I will. And when I do, I will bring it in, dead or alive. We go back a long way, that forest ape and I, but one day we will once again meet face to face, and I will be ready for him. The advantage will be mine. I don't want to let the proverbial cat out of the bag just yet, although mentioning it right now is only a slight peek into that bag, but I will tell you now that this, the year 2012, this will be the year of the sasquatch. I've assembled the best possible team of scholars, scientists, and trackers. We have developed a process for predicting the migratory patterns of the sasquatch based on sighting history reconciled with climate patterns, vegetative bloom,. game animal hunting and tagging records, and we are all but certain we have the perfect alignment of all possible factors. I don't want to be too precise, but all of our indicators are aligning right around late July to early August. I don't want to be any more precise than that in my sneak peek here, but we have been able to narrow things down to within a two to three day period.
And so, my good friends, I leave you with this small promise. This year will be the year of the sasquatch. When I bag one of these big fellows, we will finally be able to bring to the world at large the truth about the north American ape known as sasquatch. We will prove once and for all that it is an ape, not a human relative. We will prove what they are really like, and I can tell you now there will be no squabbling over pathetic pictures and films of people running around in silly costumes pretending to be "bigfoot". The forest apes I have seen and will bring back to society is nothing like Patsy, or some flower child with bad hair. These are apes, damn it, and look nothing like what has been portrayed up until now. They are massive, they are beastly, and they are frighteningly non-human. They do NOT look like a lazy old woman with a fat behind. I don't want to say anything more about other people's projects, that's not what my job is, but I will tell you that the world will be awe struck this August when we present the sasquatch beast in all its glory.
Until then my friends, all the best. JB
Excellent! LOL Good to know.
DeleteYou lie! Last year was the year of the Sasquatch, Adrian said so.
ReplyDeleteBased on the choice of words and inflection there in not a doubt in my mind that the post above was written by my good friend John Bindernagel. Right now we are having an ongoing discussion regarding some film taken by Timbergiant Bigfoot.
ReplyDeleteIs he watching the actual footage or Rex Dutton's musical blobsquatches?
DeleteWhat about me? I am better than this guy! I have more talent than he does! I'm funny, smart, and handsome! I am a legend just ask me! I need applause and recognition, I can't survive with out!
ReplyDeleteSWP
That's why they highlight you, SWP, frequently on this site.
DeleteSWamP monster?
DeleteThis is exactly what shawn needed to put on the site to make it stand out as what it is. THE BIGGEST BIGFOOT PROPAGANDA SITE ON THE NET! where else can you go to find some looser giving exposure to the likes of fatsino and his cronies. I mean who would want real solid bigfoot news and reporting when we can get articles about stuff like this.
ReplyDeleteNot only does shawn successfully fill his sight with hoaxers and loosers but now he is so desperate for anything bigfoot related that he is making headline articles out of the comments section from other articles.
Hey here is an idea shawn. how bout you get in contact with this dude making the posts above and then you and him can create a youtube account like you did with dyer and snowpacker so that you can get a piece of the profit from hits. And then you could promote the hell out of him on here just like you do with your other looser friends. Wouldnt surprise me if this is already in the making.
Congrats on getting no respect at all shawn! Drink the Cool Aid!
Lol I hope your not serious. 500 views on a YouTube video is not a good way to make money. Your probably just a butt hurt "habituator" that got called out on your own bullshit.
DeleteIf this site bothers you, set up your own blogspot account and highlight only REAL (ie: biased, approved by you) news about bigfoot. Problem solved. Or I guess you could sit back and do nothing but post meaningless criticisms of this blog. Which will it be, crusader for truth?
Deleteto anon at 3:27pm.
DeleteWhy do you come here at all if you're so unhappy?
For as long as I have been visiting this blog, there are times when Shawn will take a comment from someone and turn it in to an article. Some have been humorous and some have been more serious.
DeleteThis is Shawn's blog and he can do whatever he likes.Do I like or agree with every article here? Certainly not. In fact, some articles posted here down right anger me. The one who I will not mention is a prime example of that.
I take the subject of Sasquatch seriously but there are times when we need to laugh at ourselves to relieve that built up anxiety, stress or frustration that some in the community present us with.
I will say this about the mysterious funny person, he or she has never called anyone names or used derogatory language directed at fellow visitors.
I understand that there are much more serious sites that might make you happier.
Dude...you get mad at the internet?
DeleteYawn. More bitter expressions of envy from someone without a successful venue or platform. Bet we hear from this clown when Finding Bigfoot returns.
ReplyDeleteGo create a hoax: Shawn will post it and we will rip it to shreds!
How odd there is no mention of Jack's considerable martial arts prowess.
ReplyDeleteShawn makes allot of money from this site.
ReplyDeleteIf you look at the click counter and all the advertisement you'll know why this site is what it is.
Shawn doesn't take this site or the stuff that appears in it seriously and that's why I'm amazed that you folks do.
He wants the stupid comments and the exasperated believers to bicker and fight.
Wake up and smell the Bigfoot shit, you idiots
I regularly visit your site and find a lot of interesting information.
ReplyDeleteNot only good posts but also great comments. Thank you and look forward to your page growing stronger.