Bigfoot tried to build me an Ikea table but got frustrated and murdered my entire family. Ripping my parents arms and legs off like a cruel 6 year old. He did the same to my children , bashing their lifeless torsos against tree trunks until the scene looked like hamburgers and offal. I will no longer look on Craigslist for handyman.
Bigfoot once broke into my house when I was away on vacation and he clumsily stepped on a nail board that I left out. After mangling his huge foot on the nails, he became enraged and proceeded to totally destroy the house — although in his blind fury he was polite enough to close the bathroom door behind him so that was much appreciated!
Do you happen to live in Snelgrove Lake, Canada? and if so how did you calm down your hysterical house guest MR. Meldrum? He seems like he would be the type that if a rock hit the roof he would pray to the Angel Moroni and start waving the book of moron around.
I have it on good authority that Meldrum was so frightened the noise that he shit his temple garment (underwear) and refused to take them off much to the dismay of everyone present. Seems he viewed his underwear as "God's armor" and thought it would protect him. Rocks are scary!
It would seem that MR. Jerry Cline has once again been attacked by a band of rogue Sasquatch. MR. Cline was interviewed by WSVW Ohio about the incident but unfortunately his head is now facing backwards.
In the Oct edition of Nature magazine Dr. Todd Disotell has published a peer reviewed paper in which he speculates that Bigfoot likely were the Architects of the Great Wall of China as well as the Roman Aquaducts still in use in Britian today. Occult researchers contend that Solomon's temple traditionally thought to be constructed by conjured demons were in fact the lowly Orang Pendek. Peter Byrne has also staked his worthless reputation on this theory.
Rumors abound on whether or not Finding Bigfoot will continue, but hopeful news is on the horizon. Snake Oil Productions, the production company responsible for Finding Bigfoot, is seeking a permit for filming in the Monterey, Virginia area. Monterey lies between the Monongahela and George Washington National Forests. Definitely a good place to look for bigfoot. We can only speculate if this means Finding Bigfoot has been signed on for additional seasons, or if perhaps a new bigfoot show is in the works. We'll keep you updated on any further announcements for sure.
Editor's Note: This is a guest post by Suzie M., a sasquatch enthusiast. Crypto-linguists believe that the species known Bigfoot/Sasquatch/Yeti/Yowie ect speak and understand a complex language, which by all accounts seems to stem from Asia. When one listens to it there is definitely a sense of it being Chinese or Japanese. It is a very odd mix of sounds, clicks and what could be actual words. This is the reason some experts are looking into the Asian dialect theory, some have said it could be a lost dialect, which was carried from Asia by the Bigfoot species that colonised America.
This story was circulating the internet way back in 2004, or maybe as far back as 1999. Back when everybody was on 56k dial-up modems and a "Facebook" was just a regular book with directory listing of names and headshots. This story was so disturbing and so shocking that nobody believed it at the time. It was the Robert Lindsay " Bear Hunter: Two Bigfoots Shot and DNA Samples Taken " story of the time. And like Robert's Bear Hunter story , this witness didn't have a name. The only thing known about the witness is that this person was a government employee, anonymous of course. The author of the story was a science teacher named Thom Powell who believe it really happened and that the whole story was an elaborate cover-up. Powell said the anonymous government employee alerted the BFRO about a 7.5 feet long/tall burn victim with "multiple burns on hands, feet, legs and body; some 2nd and 3rd degree burns". Sadly, there was no DNA samples taken from
Ancient alien theorists say no. Well, unless bigfoot is an alien. Then yes.
ReplyDeleteYup its pretty well known that Bigfoot built the pyramids, Stonehenge, Macchu Piccu and Angkor Wat.
ReplyDeleteBigfoot tried to build me an Ikea table but got frustrated and murdered my entire family. Ripping my parents arms and legs off like a cruel 6 year old. He did the same to my children , bashing their lifeless torsos against tree trunks until the scene looked like hamburgers and offal. I will no longer look on Craigslist for handyman.
ReplyDeleteBigfoot once broke into my house when I was away on vacation and he clumsily stepped on a nail board that I left out. After mangling his huge foot on the nails, he became enraged and proceeded to totally destroy the house — although in his blind fury he was polite enough to close the bathroom door behind him so that was much appreciated!
DeleteDo you happen to live in Snelgrove Lake, Canada?
ReplyDeleteand if so how did you calm down your hysterical house guest MR. Meldrum? He seems like he would be the type that if a rock hit the roof he would pray to the Angel Moroni and start waving the book of moron around.
I have it on good authority that Meldrum was so frightened the noise that he shit his temple garment (underwear) and refused to take them off much to the dismay of everyone present. Seems he viewed his underwear as "God's armor" and thought it would protect him. Rocks are scary!
DeleteIt would seem that MR. Jerry Cline has once again been attacked by a band of rogue Sasquatch. MR. Cline was interviewed by WSVW Ohio about the incident but unfortunately his head is now facing backwards.
ReplyDeleteOmce all the illegal immigrants are kicked out Bigfoot will be doing most of our menial labour tweeted President Trump earlier today.
ReplyDeleteAre Bigfoot good at roofing?
DeleteIn the Oct edition of Nature magazine Dr. Todd Disotell has published a peer reviewed paper in which he speculates that Bigfoot likely were the Architects of the Great Wall of China as well as the Roman Aquaducts still in use in Britian today. Occult researchers contend that Solomon's temple traditionally thought to be constructed by conjured demons were in fact the lowly Orang Pendek. Peter Byrne has also staked his worthless reputation on this theory.
ReplyDeleteBigfoot can't even construct a teepee. But the x structures and bent limbs suggest a high degree of engineering smarts.
ReplyDeleteI wish Bigfoot would share his wisdom with us. There is a huge demand for x structures and bent limbs!
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