Are Any of These Things About Bigfoot Even True?

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When it comes to bigfoot, it seems like no two people can agree. There are all kinds of different and crazy theories surrounding this phenomenon. Check out these strange theories about bigfoot:

"Anyone who’s ever watched Animal Planet knows the world of Bigfoot hunting (aka “Squatchin’ ”) is a very weird world indeed. All Bigfoot believers are chasing an imaginary monster, and for every one for them who treats the subject with gravitas, you have 10 nutcases with completely crazy theories.

10 Bigfoot Is Actually A Ground Sloth

Most Bigfoot believers assume Sasquatch is some sort of hominid. After all, he supposedly walks around on two legs, has primate-like arms, and even possesses a humanish face. Of course, there’s always the possibility he’s actually an extinct ground sloth that evolved to look like an ape. According to one far-out theory, Bigfoot might actually be a member of the superorder Xenarthra, which would make him related to anteaters and armadillos. This theory may not be based on evidence, but it is based on lack of evidence. For example, sloths have internal testicles. No one has reported seeing Bigfoot’s (privates). Uncanny, eh? Similarly, sloths digest food slowly. It might take anywhere from one to three weeks for food to pass through a sloth’s guts. Perhaps that’s why we’ve never found the remains of a Bigfoot meal: Since he has a sloth gut, Bigfoot can go weeks without food. The real nail in this crypto-coffin is the infamous Patterson-Gimlin film above. When you watch the video, pay special attention to how slowly Bigfoot moves. Why isn’t it running at breakneck speed to escape the backwoods paparazzi, you ask? Well, because it’s a slow sloth, naturally."

To see the rest of the list by Nolan Moore, click here.


Comments

  1. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 6:34:00 PM PDT

    Uno!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 6:48:00 PM PDT

    I am going to now smoke crack until I see bigfoot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 7:03:00 PM PDT

      I respect a goal oriented person, but may I suggest meth? It's just more value for your dollar.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 7:30:00 PM PDT

      just ask stacey brown he swears by it

      Delete
    3. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 7:33:00 PM PDT

      Meth makes you look like Dyer and think like Joe.

      Delete
    4. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 8:03:00 PM PDT

      Oooooh! That hurt!

      Delete
  3. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 7:02:00 PM PDT

    Yea rite playa, yo aint got shit,so go huf yo glue, UDIGG FOOL¿¿

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 8:16:00 PM PDT

    6 missing climbers on Mt. Ranier reportedly devoured by sasquatch. Or possibly toboganning Russian yetis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 8:48:00 PM PDT

      I think that mentally ill JREF footer Alaskabushpilot who pretended to be fighting off insurgents in the Phillipines and getting sensitive military info from his uncle's cousin while posting about Bigfoot also pretended that he went on an expedition on Mt. Ranier.
      Maybe he can weigh in and give us some pretend insight to what the climbers were up against.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 8:51:00 PM PDT

      Oops. He pretended to go on an expedition on Mt. McKinley. My bad.

      Delete
  5. AnonymousSaturday, May 31, 2014 at 9:51:00 PM PDT

    "No two people agree!?!?"

    That is a fairly gross distortion of the truth. There are many people that agree in general as to what Bigfoot is. Those people tend to be the most experienced researchers. And those people do agree that Bigfoot spend most of their lives in an invisible dimension. How that dimension is defined is not agreed upon. One single person simple describes it as "The Ether", so he doesn't have to provide any further details. But the U.S. Government, as well as many U.C. Berkeley professors in the 70's with Stephen Hawking, chose the 4th dimension as the starting point from which to describe the invisibility of an object that can fully exist in man's dimension. It has nothing to do with bending light. The book by Adrian Dvir, entitled X3, describes the intricacies of invisibility that utilizes string theory. Invisibility has nothing to to with The Ether either, which is what Henri Franzoni put all of his chips on. Henri was just never in the right place at the right time, failed to read the book X3 before publishing his book, and automatically scoffs at the 4th dimension because he was grossly wrong about The Ether.

    In the 60's, before Patterson Gimlin, the 4th dimension theory was being taught to high school kids, in order to gage their reaction. And every major Bigfoot researcher from that date forward, NEVER HEARD ABOUT IT, except one.

    Since Bigfoot can be heard walking while invisible, and they can vary their foot pressure that contacts the ground, Bigfoot can therefore control their weight by controlling the dimension that they momentarily exist in. They can also walk through dense brush without disturbing that brush, while existing in a dimension that is different than what the brush exists in.

    And the Bigfoot are highly psychic as they can read your tiniest thought, even when you don't believe that you have a thought in your head. And they can do this from a fairly considerable distance away.

    But you don't truly learn any of this, until you experience it. And you have to experience, ALONE!

    ReplyDelete

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